One Day At A Time
14 years ago..
I began using drugs from an early age. Began snorting heroin at the age of 13, went to taking pills that I found in my mother's medicine cabinet. Didn't matter what kind it was. As long as it took me out of myself. I also indulged in psychotropic drugs. Dropped acid whenever I could. It wasn't until I graduated high school that I began smoking weed. How I managed to graduate from high school, I will never know. But I did. Got married, joined the army, and drank myself crazy. Luckily for me, I worked in the orderly room with the First Sergeant and Commander, so I was always privvy to who was getting tested. That just bought me time. Time to drink more. I eventually signed up for the Antabuse program, but managed to get out of that also, by putting the pill under my tongue in front of my First Sergeant. My daughter was born in Heidelberg Germany, and when my drinking got really out of control, I elected to get out on a "parenthood clause", with an honorable. It was only a matter of time before they put me out. So much for my drinking days in the service.Back in the states, things didn't change. Just got worse. Got a job, started snorting cocaine, lost the job, got divorced, began drinking heavily again, moved back home with my parents and began fighting with my father, who eventually kicked me out of the house. I ended up in welfare hotels, homeless,collecting cans on the street, and eventually smoking crack. It took six months of crack to finish off my lifetime of drinking. It would take too long to tell you exactly what transpired after that. Only that it has been a long road. Before long, I began having "suicidal ideations", and I turned myself into Phoenix House, a drug rehabilitation facility. My last drink and drug was June 7, 1988. I am now approaching my fourteenth year of recovery, and stuff is STILL being revealed to me. The past two years, I have begun working on my character defects, and digging inside of myself, finding out things about myself. And I would be a liar if I said that the "urge" to use or drink is gone, because it is not...I just know that I cannot go there today. Just for today.
Please visit my Sobriety anniversary pages that the wonderful sisters at Women Of Inner Strength and Beauty made for me!
I wanted more than anything the love I could not find
and so, one day I took a seed and stuck it in the ground,
each day when I went out to play,
I treasured what I found.
I watered it, I cherished it, and then to my surprise,
the seed that I stuck in the ground, grew and then it died.
In my quest for womanhood,
I looked both high and low.
For the simpler things in life, things to help me grow.
So in this woman's body, a seed was fertilized.
Still searching for a little love, something to call mine.
Each day when I got out of bed, I treasured what I felt.
I watched my belly grow and grow with the hand that life had
dealt.
Soon my body blossomed forth, from me new life began.
And as my child began to grow, towards the drugs I ran.
I ran into the streets at night, and in the house by day.
I ran til I could run no more,
my child they took away.
In futile desperation, I ran away from life
My world became a private hell, filled with pain &
strife.
I lost all sense of reason, I lost my values too..
And then I ran to Phoenix House, to start my life anew.
Now here I stand before you,
a child once more again.
Still searching for that unfound love..the love that comes
within.
Each day when I get out of bed, I treasure what I see
The seed that God put in this place
to grow this time
is me.
-Andrena Ingram (written in Phoenix House)
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