All Posts in the ‘Friends’ Category

What Can They Do To You?

December 22nd, 2016 | By andrena in betrayal, Church, death, Friends, General, grace, Healing, Health, rage | No Comments »

I didn’t realize that my silence has been felt by a few…thank you for checking in on me. It’s been a lot going on, and I have had to ‘ground’ myself as best I could. I am relatively okay, and I love you.

As you know, this has been terrifically challenging year for me and mine. I know as I was going through, I took a lot of you with me. I believe that is how Christ would have us be during challenging times. Things were going so fast and hard at one point, I can’t believe I didn’t lose my mind, in addition to almost losing my life.

I have suffered great loss, this year:

Serious loss of my health as I knew it, loss of my vocation, loss of the congregation and membership. Some of that loss seemed and felt unnecessary in its machinations.

But as Paul would write to the church in Corinth:

“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.”– 2 Corinthians 4:8-9

I am sure my feelings were not in the same manner as Paul’s, considering what he was going through, but I can very well attest to these feelings, and gosh darn-it, a few times I almost caved in.

My heart was about to give out on me, I had to have not one, but two operations for a successful pacemaker/defibrillator implantation.  I don’t have to repeat everything that happened during that time, I documented it all on Facebook, of which I was somewhat chastised.   I have had my copies postings bandied about in my face, copied and pasted and whatever.  But I am who I am, I am whom I have always been and chose to share my journey with whomever wanted to go along for the ride.  Those who chose to use my postings against me?  Good for them.  That also almost had me running for the hills.

God knows, with the exception of a few, I felt really alone.

But I digress…it’s no longer important.  I am alive.

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Ow!

September 3rd, 2016 | By andrena in betrayal, Church, DatLife, Friends, friendship, Rant | No Comments »

When situations arise which are displeasing to me, or hurtful to me, I ALWAYS before speaking take a good long look at myself (personal inventory) to see whether or not my ego is speaking, or if I am responding with my ego. I almost always (to keep the peace) find some way to put it on me…

You know, the “if I hadn’t, if I didn’t, I should’ve”… all those “wudda shudda’s”

I always find some way to bring it all the way back to me…and blame myself for someone else’s hurt.

But you know what? Sometimes I have been and get hurt too! A lot of times, I have been hurt, for real, for real! This is not victim talk…it’s my truth.

It’s all I can do not to sit on the ground and grab my boo-boo, and just rock back and forth crying Ow!!!

via GIPHY

It’s real life! Forget about being a ‘person of the cloth’, upon which heaps of feelings are heaped upon us at will. I bleed, I get angry, I hurt just like anybody else. My challenge? To respond appropriately…not accordingly…but appropriately.

I guess as I take pains to ‘reinvent’ myself yet again; I shall respond accordingly. In an appropriate manner.

I can’t go back to the Bronx; I refuse to let you take me there. I look at where I am today, and realize that through it all, my Creator is taking great pains to get me to listen and to elevate me.

It’s a lonely road.  But it’s okay. It’s never stopped me before.

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