Hold On

01 October 2016 | By andrena in Church, grace, Healing, Health, TheBook | No Comments Yet

Today’s reflection:  Our Daily Bread:  Hold On

I’m sure we all have viewed some figurative towering cliffs in our lives. Some of them beautiful, some of them terrifying. I know I have.

I don’t know that I could brave that cable car without a motor to reach those heights. I don’t know that I could brave the cable car WITH a motor. I am terribly afraid of heights. And yet, there have been times in my life when I have traveled the “cable cars of life”… willingly stepping into situations where someone else was in control of the ride.

Most of you know my testimony: I grew up a witness to domestic violence in my house, suffered sexual abuse at the hands of my father, endured domestic violence in my first marriage, and throughout the ride I calmed my fears with drugs and alcohol. I became homeless and contracted the HIV virus. Holding on was NOT an option….my cable car lost control and zipped and dipped through my life. Catching my breath was the closest thing I could do, to holding on.

And then I met the woman who was bent over in the bible,  (The bent over woman and Jesus).  And I met the man called Jesus, who told her to straighten up, and that she was free from her ailment(s). I also heard the leader of the synagogue fussing because Christ had the audacity to heal this woman.  That story became my cable, it became the motor which would slow the cable car down for me to get off, straighten myself up and get on another cable car.

Life has been a beautiful, sometimes dizzying ride up mountains and even down into the valleys.  Only someone who has gone through their own trials and unraveling cables can understand.  Only someone who has come out on the other side would understand the beauty of this gospel, the beauty of my life, the beauty of my journey.  I hold on to my Creator every minute of the day.  Twenty eight years later, I still step into a car that is not really meant for me and taken on a ride.  I fight against verbally backing people up off of me.  I fight against hating.  I fight against using.  Not just using drugs/alcohol…but using behaviors which will send my cable car spiraling into an abyss of confusion, while at the same time dodging arrows meant to harm me.

I hold on to the moment I heard that story.  Read Full Post


03 September 2016 | By andrena in betrayal, Church, DatLife, Friends, friendship, Rant | No Comments Yet

When situations arise which are displeasing to me, or hurtful to me, I ALWAYS before speaking take a good long look at myself (personal inventory) to see whether or not my ego is speaking, or if I am responding with my ego. I almost always (to keep the peace) find some way to put it on me…

You know, the “if I hadn’t, if I didn’t, I should’ve”… all those “wudda shudda’s”

I always find some way to bring it all the way back to me…and blame myself for someone else’s hurt.

But you know what? Sometimes I have been and get hurt too! A lot of times, I have been hurt, for real, for real! This is not victim talk…it’s my truth.

It’s all I can do not to sit on the ground and grab my boo-boo, and just rock back and forth crying Ow!!!


It’s real life! Forget about being a ‘person of the cloth’, upon which heaps of feelings are heaped upon us at will. I bleed, I get angry, I hurt just like anybody else. My challenge? To respond appropriately…not accordingly…but appropriately.

I guess as I take pains to ‘reinvent’ myself yet again; I shall respond accordingly. In an appropriate manner.

I can’t go back to the Bronx; I refuse to let you take me there. I look at where I am today, and realize that through it all, my Creator is taking great pains to get me to listen and to elevate me.

It’s a lonely road.  But it’s okay. It’s never stopped me before.

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